Because if writers insist on making the characters of my childhood and teen years miserable/horrible/both, might as well get one step ahead of them.

Today, we have Adultified: Charlie Brown.

Where's Linus, you ask? Somewhere under all this. He's become a blanket hoarder.



Lucy is Little Red Haired Girl's alcoholic psychaiatrist.

(We learn that's really Little Red Haired Girl's name. Her parents gave her original name to her younger sister.)



Peppermint Patty Patricia Minton is a model and actress who refuses to acknowledge her humble roots.



But it's not really that fame got to her head; it all started when her childhood friend Marcy was killed
saving a baby duck from a speeding clown car.

Sally's a rogue criminal known only as "The Great Pumpkin."



Poor Charlie can only stare into the clouds  wistfully and utter the long-forgotten words of his childhood:

"Oh, good grief."